Many people expect to live happily ever after when they get married, but for some, parents-in-law can complicate everything. So what can you do when you love your spouse but have difficulty dealing with his or her parents? Don't let them bring you down. Here are some useful tips to manage difficult in-laws.
Minimize Contact
If you have difficult in-laws, try to minimize your contact with them. Rather than visiting the in-laws for days at a time, limit your contact to a few hours. If the in-laws come to visit you, make sure there is a definite and brief time that you allow them to stay. This is pretty easy to do if you plan ahead. So, for example, when you visit your in-laws, let them know you can only stay a few hours. When the in-laws come to visit you, make sure they know that you have plans later in the day that prevents you from spending too much time with them.
Expect the Worst
One way to help cope with difficult in-laws is to anticipate the difficult behavior, to expect it. This way, when your mother-in-law comments negatively about your parenting skills or your cooking, you can roll with the comment since you saw it coming. If you escape the visit with nary a verbal barb, consider yourself lucky.
Keep It Light
Use humor to help diffuse the negative impact of your difficult in-laws. I’m not saying you laugh in the face of your spouse’s parents because that would be rude, but you can certainly laugh about it later after they have left.
Keep Busy
If your in-laws have come to visit you, stay busy in the kitchen or with your kids. If you are visiting the in-laws, bring a hobby or project to keep you busy and less focused on potential conflict.
Stay United
Sometimes in-laws have a way of dividing couples by reigniting old issues or conflicts. Stay focused on your partner and discuss the conflict brought about by your difficult in-laws. Don’t let your spouse’s parents create conflict within your marriage.
Prepare and Pre-Plan
If you have demanding or high maintenance in-laws, do what you can to anticipate their needs so that you are not scrambling and frantic when they arrive. Discuss with your spouse a plan of action to help diffuse potentially combustible situations. What does this mean? If your father-in-law is lactose intolerant and your mother-in-law is a vegetarian, make sure you have what they need on hand.
Image credit: Western History/Genealogy Department, Denver Public Library
Mary Rayme - Mary Rayme is a graphic designer and arts educator with a BFA from the Maryland Institute College of Art in Baltimore.
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